The Battle of Kin Beach

Knowing that his mother would maximize her military resources, Lord GalaWight began by converting the local British Columbia Dragoons (BCDs) in Kelowna before approaching the Warren. He then deployed roughly 20 Tome Zombie literomancers to convert as many living people to zombies as he possibly could, intending to overwhelm the living Woodlander forces with a classic zombie wave assault, supported by armoured infantry.  

Filk me — now they've got armoured vehicles too.

— MCpl Jean W. Tremaine, British Columbia Dragoons

  The Woodlanders tracked the approach of this massive force via satellite. They called back a battalion of the Rocky Mountain Rangers, irregular infantry typically stationed out of Kamloops, who had been reassigned to the Warren to comb the local woodlands and nearby mountain terrain for hidden zombies. As additional reinforcements, they ordered a company of Dragoons stationed at the Vernon military base to set up a defensive perimeter at Vernon's north end.   The Woodlanders were forced to deploy their Tome Knights sparingly and defensively. Roughly a third were dispatched to the perimeter to provide magical support. The remaining two thirds were either members of the royal family and their elite bodyguards, or held in reserve to create a stronger literomantic defense at the Warren.

Kin Beach is a long strip of sand, separated from a long, two-lane road by barricades, and surrounded by difficult terrain. This made the approach challenging, balancing the scales in favour of the defenders.   On the south end, there are large cement barriers and a raised bike trail, designed specifically to prevent vehicles from driving onto the beach. Across from the beach, on the other side of Lakeshore Rd., is a trailer park and marshy terrain. Further along Lakeshore Rd., heading south, is a smaller park, designed for cars to park and look at the lake; again, separated by a metal barricade. At the end of the beach there is a large apartment building that completely cuts off access to the lake.   On the north end, Kin Beach Park is surrounded by old poplar trees. Where the two sides of the beach meet, at the intersection of Tronson Rd. and Lakeshore Rd., there is a small parking lot area that is separated from both beach and park by metal columns and more cement barriers; again, specifically placed to prevent vehicles from driving on the beach. The park is surrounded by 40-year-old residential housing set into steep hillsides with sandy soil.

Winter conditions required the living troops to contend with the effects of damp cold and light snowfall. Temperature hovered around 0 degrees Celsius. However, wind speed remained at a light breeze, not breaking 2 km per hour over the course of the battle.   Much of the conflict took place in shallow, cold water. The Forgelings had to be treated for hypothermia following the conflict.   As always, when fighting zombies, casualties to the living Woodlander forces also meant reinforcements for the enemy.

Falling Back to the Beach

Lord GalaWight's forces quickly overran the northern perimeter, with the aid of his summoned conjurations and the two battalions worth of zombies reinforced directly by Undead literomancers. The surviving Dragoons fell back, and the Rangers were ordered to provide support to the retreating Dragoons.   Overwhelmed by the sheer numbers of the wave, and the unexpected armour, Sable Aradia ordered the evacuation of the Warren and a retreat of the literomancers to join King Bob in the Sauropoda Protectorate. While the Warren would have withstood the siege, the Woodlander Tome Knights would have been pinned down and unable to aid in the fight for the remainder of the war.   In the march on the Warren, the Undead shot down a helicopter that was evacuating Realm of Music, Royal Consort of House Meles, and the surviving Forgelings, back to the Warren from a school field trip. They crashed in Okanagan Lake, near the shore of Kin Beach in the Okanagan Landing area, less than 3 km from the Warren. The pilot was killed in the crash, but the Forgelings suffered only a few cuts and bruises, and the King Consort's leg was broken. Military satellites tracked the crash site, and a rescue attempt was organized under Queen Sable's command.  

Damn, that's the northern flank! Tell them to stay in the water! The Horde doesn't have any Molluscans.

— Commander Kitoypoy

  In the meantime, the Rocky Mountain Rangers, and a handful of surviving Dragoons, had also tracked the crash, and fell back to Kin Beach to protect the royal family until they could be rescued. The Rangers were pinned down on the crescent strip of the beach, and while it was poor terrain for their enemy to maneuver armoured vehicles in, they were quickly outnumbered, and fully expected to be slain to a man on the lakeshore. Deploying M72 light anti-tank weaponry bought them a little time, however; as did deploying 60mm mortars against the teeming zombie mass. But attrition was high, and they were repeatedly forced to fall back.  

Goddamn it! Just aim for the middle of 'em!

— CSM Dennis Reilly, Rocky Mountain Rangers

 

Flanked

Forced to fall back into a defensive perimeter around the royal family in the water, the Woodlanders were flanked when the Horde gained access to the lake. To the south, the Undead removed the metal barricade from the smaller park further along Lakeshore Rd., and wound their way around the length of the beach. To the north, they slipped down the slopes, around the houses, and into the shallow water. No vehicles were able to advance from the north, but a section of 10 Tome Zombies accompanied them as fire support.  

The Rescue

Queen Sable, in command by mutual agreement of the Woodlanders, assigned Erin Righ to leading the evacuation and Archon Mykola to organizing the Woodlander defense of Aldergrove to facilitate the evacuation. She then asked for volunteers to assist her in a rescue mission of King Consort Realm and the Forgelings.   This was neither sentimentality nor bravado on her part. Prinx Tempest had a unique ability to create a fiery portal through realities, something they called a "Tang Portal" because its interior was bright orange and looked like a swirling tunnel of Tang artificial beverage. However, their portal was as hot as a sun and radioactive to boot. Sable, being immune to Tempest's powers, could use her abilities to create a force field within the portal that allowed others to make use of it without being harmed — something they had discovered when they came to Archon Mykola's aid in Ailurus' flight from the Cavern.   Most of the Woodland Royal Family, as well as the Owsla and surviving Brocktrees, joined the rescue effort. A Tang portal was opened to the site of the helicopter crash, in the shallow waters near the end of the beach, at the edge of Kin Beach Park. They arrived just as the zombies had begun to break through the defensive line of the Rangers and make their way into the water.   The Brocktrees and the Owsla led the charge, making use of Owsla Commander Kitoypoy's elite armed squad to protect Queen Sable and the rescuers. They were quickly followed by King Darth Nikolas who deployed earth-magic to create a barricade, cutting off two angles of approach, and Princess Sunny, who wielded tentacles and skillet to devastating effect.   Most of the Forgelings made their way through the water and into the Tang portal, but Princess Monkey was too frightened to run. Then the corpse of Prince Xantos appeared behind the wave of zombies that was assaulting them, and it was he who killed his little sister.  

Turning Undead

Was that Turn Undead?! Did we just see Turn Undead? That's some D&D shit goin' on! Did you know she could Turn Undead?

— Commander Kitoypoy

  The Mother of Bunnies, unable to go to her daughter's aid while she held open the portal, let out a scream that witnesses later described as "primal" and "bloodcurdling." A massive explosion radiated out from her body in a flash of literomantic white light.   All non-literomancer zombies in a 200m radius were instantly vapourized. Tome Zombies in a 500m radius were actively repelled and forced to flee the area. Lord GalaWight's Void conjurations were also banished back to The Void.   This "white light explosion" also managed to instantly heal all the living wounded within a 1 km radius, including everything from hypothermia, to Realm of Music's broken leg, even to soldiers dying of zombie-cursed wounds. Lost limbs were not regenerated, but the wounds were sealed as if they had been surgically tended and in recovery for weeks. There was no sign of infection in any of the healed wounds after the fact.   After this massive expenditure of magical energy, the Bunny Queen collapsed and fell unconscious. The Tang portal was severed. About half of the rescue mission was still in the lake, and the other half, including the surviving Forgelings, Prinx Tempest, and King Nik, were stuck back at the Warren.  

IS SABLE OKAY? Shit shit shit, I'm out of juice. I'm coming as fast as I can! Someone prep a chopper, now!

— Prinx Tempest

While this display of magic was impressive, it only bought the Woodlanders much needed time. Although the surviving Rangers and Dragoons credit the Mother of Bunnies directly with their survival, the effect only lasted about 20 minutes, and the estimated 2500 zombies destroyed were still only about half of the Horde's current strength in the Okanagan Valley.   Prinx Tempest took command. Two evacuation helicopters were dispatched in the reprieve. Commander Kitoypoy used an agimat charm to change his Queen into her bunny form, and he carried her unconscious body from the field. The rescue mission and the other survivors successfully evacuated back to the Warren, locked it down, and made it through the portal to Aldergrove. While another engagement awaited them there, they did eventually successfully make the jump to the Swamp.   Queen Sable was treated in hospital for critical Magic Drain with IV fluids, and the Forgelings were treated for hypothermia.   Literomancers slain in the battle and recruited into the Undead Horde included OffspringNumber1, BitzerK, ExiledFae, VeganAtheistCoral, Blade of Glory 6, Platinum Firebird, and Princess Monkey Meles.

The magic drain that Queen Sable suffered hampered her ability to continue fighting in the war. Driven by the knowledge that five of her ten children were now dead, she made the decision to "overcharge" with magical energy borrowed from The Firmament. This put her at even greater risk for long-term damage from magic drain. After the Battle of Mount Mitchell, Sable collapsed again, and had to be taken from the field in a wheelchair. Recovery was expected to take months, but Erin Righ's clever summoning of a Litwalker healer cut the recovery time short. Still, whether or not there are any long term effects of this remains to be seen.   Since the Lapin Lira was the world currency standard, the world economy pitched into a nose dive. Only the Woodlander treaty to recognize each other's currency at par was able to stabilize the plummet. The economic consequences are likely to be felt for years.   However, most of the Woodlanders survived, and went on to support House Sauropoda at the Battle of Mount Mitchell. The Undead Horde were defeated, and The Iron Tome was once more claimed by the living -- this time by Good King Bob of House Sauropoda.   All of Sable's children, including Lord Galakrond, were resurrected at the end of the Third Word War by either the magic of the Mother of Bunnies, or the power of the Iron Tome.

The British Columbia Dragoons and Rocky Mountain Rangers both received the Lapin Commander-in-Chief Unit Commendation from Queen Sable for their actions. The investiture took place on New Year's Day 2023 at the Warren. Several soldiers from both regiments have been nominated to receive the Lapin Star of Valour. Numerous Bleeding Heart Medals (the Lapin Protectorate equivalent of the American Purple Heart or the Canadian Sacrifice Medal) were awarded as well.